Don’t you hate when your neighbors keep you up at night with their frenetic sounds of sexual bliss? It’s 2:00am and you’re laying in your bed, wide awake, with the sounds of labored squeaks emanating from your walls from somewhere outside. I mean, really! The backyard, under the house, the bushes; is no place sacred?!?
Of course, I’m speaking of spiders here. The Physocylus globosus spiders to be exact. The females give high-pitched cries to let the male know what he’s doing wrong. A male aims to induce the greatest possible stimulation within the female in order that his sperm will be selected to produce her offspring. When a male gets a little too rough – a situation that can actually damage the female – she gives a squeak. Ideally, the male performs a sort of “squeeze” with the base of his genitalia against the female during intercourse. This should be done with a high frequency and for short intervals.
I’m sure there’s an allegory here, somewhere.
So, could you actually hear the lady spider chastising her mate for roughness? I have been known to…
**CENSORED – Whoa mom! This is a family blog. That is, I don’t want to know because I’m family**
If I’d been a spider, I probably would have poisoned one or two with a well-placed bite. Let this be a lesson to all you too-enthusiastic males out there. We females are patient, but don’t push your luck.