This should probably be a meme if it isn’t already (note to self…). I have a list of things I would like to post in regards to bathroom etiquette. Please follow these simple guidelines when in my presence.
- *Do NOT* talk to me whilst I piddle or poo. Talking to me during a piddle is overseeable, but never the poo.
- Don’t expect me to answer the phone whilst engaged in the acts aforementioned. In fact, I probably won’t answer the phone until I have cleared the bathroom sector.
- Try and contain your gaseous expulsions when others are within tremor’s distance. It makes me laugh and that will probably only embarrass you.
- If you have (or think you may get) diarrhea, *do NOT* come to work and use the facilities. Stay home and spread your E. coli upon toothbrushes if you wish.
- For Pete’s sake, wash your hands…preferrably with soap. The quick dip and splash in running water doesn’t really count.
- “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be discreet and wipe it up!”
- Don’t leave floaters – if flushing won’t sink your battleship, bring an egg beater and whip it…whip it good!
- Again with the talking…there’s really no reason to be talking excessively in the bathroom. It’s echoey and I have a tendancy to have performance anxiety with so much activity buzzing around.
- The Shake: more than a couple of shakes and I’m going to assume your *using* the bathroom. Also, don’t be so rough over there – I don’t need to hear the thwacking sounds of your flesh weasel.
- Don’t leave nasty things at or around the urinal cake. It’s repulsive and I don’t need anything further to increase my splatter variability.
- Don’t leave things at or around the seat in stalls. I don’t really want to touch anything more than I have to in there – I’m inclined to flush with my foot as it is.
And in case you’re looking for information on *how* to take care of this business, check here.