It's like family, only weirder…

Bathroom Etiquette

This should probably be a meme if it isn’t already (note to self…). I have a list of things I would like to post in regards to bathroom etiquette. Please follow these simple guidelines when in my presence.

  1. *Do NOT* talk to me whilst I piddle or poo. Talking to me during a piddle is overseeable, but never the poo.
  2. Don’t expect me to answer the phone whilst engaged in the acts aforementioned. In fact, I probably won’t answer the phone until I have cleared the bathroom sector.
  3. Try and contain your gaseous expulsions when others are within tremor’s distance. It makes me laugh and that will probably only embarrass you.
  4. If you have (or think you may get) diarrhea, *do NOT* come to work and use the facilities. Stay home and spread your E. coli upon toothbrushes if you wish.
  5. For Pete’s sake, wash your hands…preferrably with soap. The quick dip and splash in running water doesn’t really count.
  6. “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be discreet and wipe it up!”
  7. Don’t leave floaters – if flushing won’t sink your battleship, bring an egg beater and whip it…whip it good!
  8. Again with the talking…there’s really no reason to be talking excessively in the bathroom. It’s echoey and I have a tendancy to have performance anxiety with so much activity buzzing around.
  9. The Shake: more than a couple of shakes and I’m going to assume your *using* the bathroom. Also, don’t be so rough over there – I don’t need to hear the thwacking sounds of your flesh weasel.
  10. Don’t leave nasty things at or around the urinal cake. It’s repulsive and I don’t need anything further to increase my splatter variability.
  11. Don’t leave things at or around the seat in stalls. I don’t really want to touch anything more than I have to in there – I’m inclined to flush with my foot as it is.

And in case you’re looking for information on *how* to take care of this business, check here.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *