No Surprise to the Scientologists

village voice \ Disinformation \ Mystery Scientology Theater

The ominous tagline in early trailers for the alien invasion blockbuster War of the Worlds was "They’re Already Here" – but any learned Scientologist could have told you that long ago. As you may have heard, WOTW star Tom Cruise is a 20-year veteran of the Church of Scientology, which reportedly teaches that human beings contain clusters of "body thetans," or spirits, of aliens who died 75 million years ago in an intergalactic purge of overpopulated planets by the evil overlord Xenu. In Scientology-speak, these "BTs" adversely influence our thoughts and behavior, and must be "cleared" through "auditing," a form of confessional therapy. For Scientologists (whose Hollywood ranks now include John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, and Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson), battling creatures from space isn’t just the stuff of allegorical multiplex spectacle – it’s nothing less than the path to self-fulfillment.

I had no idea Scientology was so…interesting. Do I know any Scientologists out there that I might be able to interview?


  1. Are BT’s like midichlorians? I respect people’s beliefs, they are entitled to them. Just curious if Jediology? and scientology are based on a similar belief system?

  2. Hey, Ole. That’s the most succinct and complete explanation of what Scientology actually is that I’ve ever read, and doesn’t really surprise me, considering that it was made up by a hack science fiction writer as a money-making scheme. That’s why you only see celebrities doing it. They are the only ones with enough disposable income to indulge in this charlatanry.

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