It's like family, only weirder…

Gainesville Closes Door to the Occult

Sec. 6-9-6. Fortunetellers, clairvoyants and the like banned; advertising prohibited.
It shall be unlawful for any person to practice for pay, advertise, or distribute advertising, for the occupation of being a fortuneteller, palmist, clairvoyant, phrenologist, reader of spiritualism, astrologer, or any occupation by whatever name called, professing ability to foretell future events by any means whatever, or selling any article and giving or offering to give therewith a reading of fortune, phrenology, spiritualism and/or astrology.
(Ord. No. 94-41, ยง I, 10-18-94)

If you invert the second number in section 6-9-6 of the Gainesville City Ordinances, you get the Devil’s address. That is why this ordinance is so aptly filed. Gainesville is a delightful city growing ever-so quickly on the edge of the northeast Georgia mountains. Unfortunately, the City Marshall’s office found it within their collective wisdom to maintain some ordinance which, for lack of any counter-evidence, prevents the professional occultist from setting up shop within the city limits. I have it on good authority that the City Marshall – presumably Chuck Smith or one of his deputies – recently threatened a business owner with exorbitent fines if they did not cease and desist all public activities in the occult. This particular incident occured in response to an anonymous tip about a Tarot card reader. I also happen to know that this particular Tarot card reader was attempting to establish a business in Gainesville with her practice of palm reading and general psychic advice. I now know why she was flatly denied. I am really inclined to start up a shop on the square that deals in crystals, incense, and “I &#9829 Satan” T-shirts. Just when you think that the town is becoming progressive, her cover-alls rip and we see her big ass.


Reader Comments

  1. Wonder how long before someone challenges that churches are violating this law by professing Judgement Day when God will allegedly judge our souls on our actions here on Earth?

    Well… guess because churches don’t specifically charge for this “service,” they’ll be exempt?

    Total shit regardless.

  2. I should think anyone could set up shop if they professed that their craft was all in fun and not meant to be taken seriously. A truly wily person would point out that Tarot cards and book on the occult are on sale at the Mall.
    why not employ them for the enjoyment of all? A major court battle could ensue insuring HUGE publicity for the shopkeeper and general foolishness and hillarity for the town. Where’s a lawyer when you need one?
    Wily Mom

  3. What Gainesville’s city marshall needs to worry about isn’t someone entertaining with obvious forms of entertainment like Tarot reading. They SHOULD be concerned, and using their man hours to control illegal immigrant activities like gangs. Not only that, they should be enforcing ordinances like 1 family to a home, no littering, keeping yards clean, not painting your house baby blue and puke orange and other issues that are ruining Gainesville.

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